OK, so we’d had a big week, it was late and we were very, very tired – however that still doesn’t explain why Jill absent mindedly muttered …
“I wonder what my head would feel like if I couldn’t feel myself touching it?”
Shaking my head in disbelief and horror, I offered my head for her journey of discovery, only for her to look at me in disgust and reply …
“No, I want to feel what MY head feels like”.
Judging by this exchange, I’d say the answer would be a block of very thick wood.
So we were in bed, about to fall asleep when my wife said she’d like to go to the cinema in the morning. I mentioned the new Tom Cruise movie was out and she said …
“Oh yes, Valaraki, I want to see that.”
When I pointed out that as far as I knew, it was a WW II movie rather than a comedy set on some island in Greece she said, “I’m tired“, turned over and – quite rightly – went to sleep.
But that’s nothing compared to this car crash …
Before I start I should re-clarify that all Jillyim’s occur either just as she’s falling asleep or waking up but even then, this is so terribly bad … sad … and embarrassing, that the reality is she had an uber-Jillyism moment.
To be honest, the horror of her comment has led me to forgetting what the set up for this was, but what I can say is that at one point, she sat up and with an air of triumph in her voice, declared … “Yeah, yeah … but what’s the opposite of ‘good’?”
Rather stunned, I paused for a good few seconds before replying, “I think it could be a few things – but ‘bad’ and ‘evil’ would be a good start”.
At least she had the good grace to go bright red in the face and say she was stupid, but still … is this the worst Jillyism ever? I mean, even worse than the Seal one?
For some reason that escapes me, we were talking about Jean Claude Van Damme when I turned to my wife and said …
“So where does the ‘muscles from Brussels’ come from?”
She looked at me with a face that suggested I was a bastard for asking such a stupid question before answering …
“Antwerp?”
Does this count as grounds for divorce?
Mere seconds before falling asleep – and having watched some relevantish documentary earlier in the day – Jill turns to me and says,
“Before electricity, did ‘on’ buttons exist?”
I look at her with sadness in my eyes and reply,
“Do you think only products that use electricity can have an ‘on’ button? What about gas or stream driven machinery”
There was a pause as this sunk into her sleep-drenched brain before I heard,
“Good point. Night.”
Another fun-packed night in the Campbell household!
So we were lying in bed and as usual, as soon we turned the lights to go to sleep, the cat came in and settled at the foot of our bed.
“That’s amazing …” she said, “… how do you think she knows when we’ve turned the light off?!”
I looked at the woman I married and with slight despair in my eyes replied, “Because she’s got eye’s Jill.”
I was lying in bed with Jill [she's my wife so it's allowed] when she asked me to take my foot off her magazine.
I looked at her and told her I wasn’t anywhere near it – to which she replied …
“Oh yeah … it’s my foot!”
WHAT THE FUCK???
So I was talking to Jill on the phone and totally out of the blue she came out with this pearl of wisdom …
“You know what … I reckon one the best things about being a dwarf is that when you get on a plane, you have shitloads of legroom”
Is it to late to annul my marriage???
So it was very late and while just catching up on ’stuff’ I told Jill I’d changed my Facebook status to the following:
“Rob is the most unphotogenic person on Facebook“
To which she looked at me and said,
“But I’m not on Facebook!”
I know she didn’t mean it to come out that way but ‘DOH!’
So Jill and I were playing a music quiz late at night when the Michael Jackson song ‘Dirty Diana’ came up.
As Jill had never heard the song, she asked …
“Oh, did he write that for Princess Diana when she died.“
I pointed out that given the World had gone in mourning and Elton John had re-written his classic ‘Candle In The Wind’ to ‘Goodbye English Rose’ it probably was unlikely that Michael Jackson would have written, released and performed a song going on about how ‘dirty’ Princess Diana was.
I mean, can you imagine how that would of gone down if he’d performed that at her funeral.
Realising her mistake, all Jill could muster was a …“I didn’t really think that through did I?” comment.
You could say that my sweetheart, now go to sleep and wake up normal again please.
Jillyism Quote: November 22nd …
November 25, 2009 by jillyismSo one morning I announced to my wife that our cat, Rosie, had woken me up by shouting in my ear.
“What did she say?” said Jill, all excited with her heart melting.
Looking at my wife with confusion in my eyes I replied, “Meow.”.
She scrunched up her face, turned over started muttering to herself, which – funnily enough – is exactly what I did too.
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